Damage

So I started seeing a personal trainer this week... he's going to help me get back into shape! I've been frightened to see how much I have gained pounds wise and circumference wise. So I decided to face my fears head on again. It didn't hurt as much as I thought. Acknowledging something negative about yourself and making steps towards changing them can affect your whole perspective in a positive way. Sooo here it goes...
Current Weight and Measurements
2017
WEIGHT: 270lbs
HEIGHT :  5'11
BUST:132 cm/ 52IN (+4.5in)
WAIST: 106.7cm/ 42 IN (+2in)
HIPS:  125.7cm/ 49.5IN  (+1in)

2014
WEIGHT: 245lbs
HEIGHT :  5'11
BUST:120.5 cm/ 47.5IN
WAIST: 101.5cm/ 40IN
HIPS:  122cm/ 48.5IN


This definitely shows I gained more weight on my upper body more. I kinda wanna rub it in one of my kohai's faces lol. Because we had a discussion about gaining weight earlier this year and I was telling him that you do not get to decide where you gain and lose weight and that it's based on genetics. In my family people are either top heavy or bottom heavy.... I ended on the top heavy spectrum. So when I gain weight it goes to my boobs mostly and then my waist and then my hips.

Welp time for the gym again!! Gotta get back down to my former glory of 2009-2011/12ish lol

I'm getting old LOL

OMG!! All that twerking at the beach got a sista back jacked up xDD Holy shit.. it still hasn't stopped hurting... maybe I should go see a chiropractor if the pain hasn't gone away in a week or two. However, I don't regret the beach trip. It was hella fun. I'm glad that everyone came.

It was my second time to Rehoboth Beach. I had fun playing the little boardwalk games and playing in the ocean. Which is a HUGE deal. Since I've had a fear of the beach for a while. When I was a child I used to always go to the beach with my family during summer break. However, one year a child was attacked by a shark a week after I left and I've been afraid ever since. Because I always thought to myself that it could have been me. Especially since I've had been playing in the ocean, sometimes by myself and one time I got knocked out by a wave and ended up passed out on the beach.

The JAWS movies didn't not help with my fear either. Especially not the fact that I went to Universal Studios and got on the JAWS ride and almost pissed myself. I don't know what I was thinking or expecting smh.

Anyways I enjoyed the beach and actually got in the water. I'm conquering all sorts of fears this year. I held a tarantula for the first time too. And I'm hella scared of spiders xDD Who am I? LOL

So going to the gym is kind of fun

I started doing a little cardio on my own about 2 or 3 weeks ago but now I wanted to try something different. I already had leftover personal trainer days for when I paid for them 1-2 years ago in the midst of the worst depression I've ever experienced. I go to LA Fitness and would not recommend a sane middle class/poor person to purchase. Sessions are like $55 dollars... and the session is only 25 min long.... can I say rip off?? But in the midst of my crazy depression I never thought about it and just spent the money...smh.

Oh well! Since I can't get my money back mind as well use them. So I have 12 remaining sessions left. I actually got a cool personal trainer this time. (He fine too *swoons*) So I'm going to learn all I can about weight lifting in the time I have left. He has some massive arms... and tattoos *faints* ...  had me sweating...

There is just something about a tatted man with some nice ass arms....JEEZAS~~~ He was like "So what do you want to focus on." I was like .."toning and weight lifting" and he was like "Those are my specialties" and I was like "I bet they are... look at those large arms... my goodness... bless" lol I said it out loud too and he chuckled xDDD

I think it's good to have some level of attraction to your personal trainer. Makes you want to work harder to not look like a little bitch xDD (Or maybe that's just me) He sure kicked my ass though but my face so deadpan he didn't realize it. He was like "I think we need to up the weights" T^T RIP!!! So next time I will really die... definitely carrying the asthma inhaler xDD

I think I'm going to do an update of my measurements because they are definitely off now.... fuck depression, chronic pain, and overeating. I gained a hell of a lot of weight...even more than before but I will get back to my prime!! Probably even better!!! No I will be better!!! Like I always say put your desires out into the universe and they will be granted ^^