Fell from grace... and now I rise!

It's been almost a year since my last post and a lot has happened. To be honest I never thought I would make it to this point. I was extremely depressed and felt betrayed by all the people that were closest to me. I wanted to die.. I no longer felt like my life had meaning because everything I worked hard for was for them.

However, I realized that my life was not to be dedicated to people who didn't care about me. It not even just about me. It's about making the world a better place than you left it. I wanted to change. In my depressed state I was no help to anyone. I was lost in the fog of lies. Lies from people I cared about and lies from myself. I am free now. 

It took depression, betrayal, and suffering to realize the truth. I am grateful for it all. I regret none of it....not a single bit. It has made me a stronger and more open-minded person. I saw the errors of my own way. I realized I wasn't happy the way I was and wanted to be free. 

Despite my depression and body image issues I fought through it all. I continued working full-time and going to school. I graduated from community college and got a scholarship to a university thanks to the support system I had and still have in my life. I traveled like I always wanted to do with the money I put aside for the friends I thought I had if they ever needed help. My friendship with one of my friends who I now consider a best friends strengthened. I realized that even though there would be people who would hate me just for being black that there would be people who would appreciate me and be interested in me as a person. I learned to love myself for who I truly was... it was magnificent.  

Life did have its setbacks though. I ended up being forced to work nights due to some circumstances and evil people. I gained weight and spent all my savings because of my depression. I was involved in strange relationships. For awhile I lost myself in the chaos but in the middle of it I found a part of the real me. Now it is time to continue finding myself. I have only scratched the surface of my potential. And those who ever looked down on me better WATCH OUT!

Stop fat shaming! Be proud of health!

Lately I have been seeing a lot of nonsense online about people disrespecting other because they aren't a certain size or weight. What rock have people crawled out from under?

Healthy does not come in one shape or size and neither does beauty.  I'm 200+ pounds right now and probably can run faster and longer than a lot of skinny girls out there. I not afraid to share my weight because guess what people its just a number. I don't let my weight define me or my health.

I hate hearing these stereotypes that if you are fat that must automatically mean you eat junk all the time and sit on your ass. That is not the case. I know a lot of people who eat right and are active and don't look like these celebrities they force feed you on TV. 

Everyone has fat on their body. However, the way is it distributed is genetic just like eye color, hair color, etc.Through the lifestyle you live you can lose or gain weight but the way your fat is distributed will be the same.

So stop making impossible goals guys! Be healthy! That should be your aim. No fitting in those jeans that weren't designed for your body type anyway. I'm no longer stressing myself out about my weight so you shouldn't either. As long you look and feel healthy don't worry about what that scale tells your or the lies doctor's tell you.

LOVE IT!!

Got my limited edition red and leopard print hello kitty bag today!!! Also found out that sanrio is having a 20% off sale of their tokidoki collection today so I jumped on it!!

I will post pictures later :D So excited!! I also got a chance to use my new camera today!

This has been a very good day for me. Just sharing some joy! Well talk to you later guys! Nap time before the gym and then off to work :P

Grab a cup of tea my pretties

For the past couple of months I had been having trouble with depression and I have really and lacked energy. I was feeling drowsy and sad because I was gaining weight and didn't have energy to do anything. However, recently I have discovered a love for tea! It not only gives me energy but it also has great health benefits! Black and Green teas have been my staple! Below are the benefits of this two teas :)

Black Tea:

Increases Energy

Boosts Immune responses

Reduces Stress

For more info check out:

http://www.healthdiaries.com/eatthis/9-health-benefits-of-black-tea.html

Green Tea:

Increases metabolism

Helps with Depression

Protects against heart disease, diabetes, cancer, etc.

For more info check out:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/11-benefits-of-green-tea-that-you-didnt-know-about.html

IT ALSO DECREASES CRAVINGS AND BLOATING!! Which is a huge help since I'm trying to lose weight! 

Holidays... weight loss killers

Well the good news it that I didn't gain more weight then what I had when I started. Bad news is I'm almost back to my original weight... boo. Holidays are the worst for me! There are always so much good food to eat. My new years resolution for this year is to learn control. Also I'm not going to force myself to eat things I don't really like and I'm not going to completely cut out the foods I love.

So right now I'm going to restart.

Today I'm going to jump back on the wagon . I'm going to stay committed to my weight loss and I'm going to work through my weird work schedule. No more excuses!

Every week I'm going to weigh myself on Sundays so I can monitor my progress.

Current Weight is 223.
Current Waist size is 36in.

I probably gained some muscle so I'm not really concerned about my weight. I'm fitting into my pants better so that is a good sign. As long as my waist size keeps going down and I'm able to fit in my clothes I'll be happy. I'll continue to make small goals. Eventually my overall goal of weight loss will be accomplished.

The struggle is real guys! But never give up :D