Holy shit... it's really been three years since I posted.... and a lot has happened since then. Been cheated on. I've fallen in and out of love, traveled to Japan, Korea, and Taiwan!! Made new friends, lost new and old friends, gained weight, lost weight, gained some more weight. Found out more about my sexuality and gender. Started talking to my family again...stopped talking to my family again. Started talking to my sisters and building a healthy relationship with them. I also recently started talking to one of my brothers. So that's interesting. I don't know how long it will last but hopefully things keep getting better ^^
Oh yeah...
I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!!!!! And I got a JOB!!! I won't start till July but I'm excited!!!
It's been a hell of a rough journey but I'm here! I didn't kill myself!!
I'm lowkey not joking about that.
It was all thanks to the new friends I've made. They've become my family... something I've never really had. I will forever be grateful!
I thought after my fall out with my friends of 12+ years and my biological family that I would never be able to trust another human being again. However, that has changed and I've made tons of great friends. They are the best. They keep me motivated and keep me believing that maybe life is worth living and that things are not all bad. We laugh and joke a lot. It's wonderful. I had forgotten what it felt like to laugh and be happy.
***TMI TIME (Feel free to skip this section)
Dealing with constant anxiety and depression for the last 3+ years was not fun. I know I joke a lot about my constipation with my friends but it's pretty bad. I've been dealing with anal fissures, internal and external hemorrhoids, blood in my stool, stomach pain, pelvic pain, super abnormal periods etc. I thought I was dying... maybe I am dying but who knows. All I know is that it is scary and I just try to not think about it. I just thank the universe every day I don't have chronic pain. I've started taking my medication again to make me have periods. It's working okay? Took me 4 months of taking it to finally have a period. But it's progress.
****TMI OVER*****
I've cut my hair really short too. At first it was because my hair was so fucked up after I had been pulling from stress, anxiety, depression but now I've grown to like my hair really short. It fits pretty well with my gender identity. Yep I've come out as nonbinary (NB). Which I recently discover was as Transgender identity. Boy has my ignorance about LGBT labels gotten me into trouble LOL. I'll talk about that in another post. Welp I guess this is enough deets for now. CYA!!! I should be asleep... it's 3:45am.... BYE..
