Wow.. it's been a minute

Happy belated Christmas everyone!!

Sorry I haven't been on in awhile. The impending holiday season has been super busy for me! However, I have been keeping up with my exercise. My eating habits have been atrocious though ><

Luckily for me I haven't been eating tons for the holiday! I know I said I would weigh myself last time I was on but I forgot... I will weigh myself next weekend because I want to burn off the holiday calories I did pick up ><  I do feel like I have lost a bit of weight though. If I didn't I have toned up pretty good and I have more muscle mass then fat.

I have been walking/running 2-3 miles every morning. I'm hoping to lose at least 30 more pounds before going on my trip to Japan. Wish me luck!!

Long time no see! おひさしぶり！

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile >_< I've been busy with final projects and final exams. However, I shall be on more often now :D

I will be posting about my exercise and eating regimen for the next couple of months. I'm trying to be healthier and have more energy. I know I have been eating poorly lately so I will not post that xD

However, next Sunday I will be posting my current weight and whether or not I have lost/gained weight.

Also, since we have last spoken I've been seeing a counselor. She has been helping me manage my stress and depression. I have to say I'm feeling fantastic. Thanks to her I made it through this semester. I was on the verge of quitting but she gave me the extra push I needed. I would also like to thank my teachers who didn't give up on me.

Most of you don't know but I'm usually the extremely independent type who never asks for help. I'm the one usually helping others and giving advice. I was raised to never ask for help and to be strong and persevere. I was also raised to believe that only "crazy" people seek counseling/therapy. I don't know if all black families are like this but that is how I was raised. Even though I've felt that I needed a therapist for awhile I never sought one out because I believed that if I went I was weak. However, you'd be surprised how just talking about your problems calms and helps you see things you wouldn't have normally saw. My mind is now at peace.

Moral of the story: Don't give up and Don't be afraid to ask for help.

OMG!!

I finally found not one but TWO websites that sell unrefined shea butter and aloe vera gel!! I'm about to order some ASAP! When I get it I will definitely give you a review of my findings :)

 If you want to go ahead and jump in first I'll post the link to the page that gives you info about shea butter and its uses and other health benefits :)

http://sheabutterguide.com/shea-butter/

Sometimes you have to let it go

I've been working out but I haven't been seeing much results due to my consumption of wheat products/fast food. So I will limit myself from fast food and also will not consume food that contains wheat products. Those who don't watch Dr. Oz should. I learned that modern wheat that has been genetically modified holds on to the visceral fat which causes weight gain and can lead to many medical problems associated with a heavy weight.

In other news I'm slowly getting over my fear of presenting things in front of my class. I had a presentation for Environmental Science on Tuesday and I have to say it went pretty well :) I muddled a couple of my words but it was better than the near panic attacks I usually have.

So ready for this school year to be over though. I more test and one more oral presentation til finals ^^ Only 3 days of classes left ^^ Wish me luck!!

やった！！

Yay!! I did it :D Despite all the stress and gluttony over the weekend I managed to lose 3 pounds due to portion control ^^  It works wonder. To keep up my weight loss I'm going to start hitting the gym at least 5 days a week and eating healthier of course :P

In other news... I AM GOING TO JAPAN~~ (日本に行きます) :D
One of my best friends, my boyfriend, and I are going to Japan this upcoming Spring ^^ I've been wanting to go for so long but I had been putting it off. Now is the time! I have enough cash and Nan just found a cool discount on groupon for me :P Destiny!!

Things are getting better and better ^^

Amor Perdido (Lost Love)

Whoever read my post the other day knows that I ended my 9 year long friendship. Some people have been wondering how I am feeling now. So I will post now while I am levelheaded.

Do I regret even being friends with them? No. They were honestly nice people. However, they were all broken in a way and I could not fix them. I realize now that it was not my job to fix them. Maybe it was a the cultural barrier that prevented us from working through our problems. Or maybe it was our dependence on each other to get away from the world that was way to painful to deal with.  Either way I honestly wish them the best with all my heart. Because after all friendships are another type of relationship where feelings are exchanged. 

Our friendship was like a young 9 year long love affair that ran its course. It should have ended awhile ago but people were afraid to talk and afraid of hurting feeling. They just kept everything inside without letting the others know how they really felt. The pain and frustration just kept building out until if finally reached its peak and exploded. In the end the walls of the glass house came shattering down. Violent words were spewed and no closure was to be found.

I have come to realize while I was constantly and rapidly evolving and changing from my 12 year old self it seemed like they were growing at a snails pace. They still do not know the real beauty and ugliness that the real world will throw at you. While I who began a real 8 hour 5 day a week job at 18, had more dating experience, and was learning more things about myself and my culture continued to grow. Some of them still have yet to date or even have a first kiss or even have a real job. (We are all 22) 

The important thing to learn from this is to be open and honest. Share what you are really feeling. Your friends aren't mind readers. Even if you are afraid that others might be hurt. Even if you are afraid that you will be hurt. If a friendship is true and worthwhile then there should be no worry. Your friends should accept you for YOU. You shouldn't have to wear a mask and pretend to be something you are not around them. At the end of the day be true to YOU. Because your emotional state is the only one you have control of. And if you are in a good mood your mood will transfer to the ones around you. 

I bid you all farewell. If I were to run into any of you one day I honestly don't know how I would react. However, I know it wouldn't be from a hateful place. Maybe I would smile or wave or simply pretend I don't know you. Only the future will tell.

Now what shall I do with my new found freedom??? :3

Quote of the day: 

-unknown

Pics post BC

For all those women who believe light skin girls don't have kinky hair... let me tell you that is a lie. I think I have the kinkiest hair ever and I experience a lot of shrinkage. However, this is my hair and it is healthy despite what media tells you what healthy hair is. I love my hair. I continue to fall in love with it as I learn more about it. For girls thinking about BCing or Transitioning. I support you and wish you the best in your journey. If you ever want to ask me anything feel free :) What I can tell you is that the BC has been one of the most liberating experiences in my life. I am no longer timid and I fear nothing. I may not be able to give a speech in front of a class without stuttering but I'm no longer afraid to be seen and heard. I no longer care about what people think about me. Because at the end of the day I love myself and that requires no outside validation. I'm a beautiful, strong, 6ft tall, 224 pound, black woman and I am not ashamed of myself or my body. I hope one day all people are able to feel as confident as I do.

Tips for BC/Transitioners:

• Never buy tons of products at one time. You are not experienced enough to know what works for YOUR hair. Experiment with different things before buying tons of products. You will end up wasting money and having tons of products that don't work for you. (This happened to me)

• Natural hair can be a lot of work at time. But trust me it is definitely worth while. Despite misconceptions about black people having slow growing hair. That is LIE. Black hair grows just as fast as any other hair. The reason why black hair doesn't seem to grow is because a lot of black women are shamed, taught, and conditioned that straight hair is where its at and continue to do unnatural things to their hair and that is why it doesn't grow as quickly. If white/asian/hispanic people continuously permed their hair to make it curly, got extensions, braids, etc. Their hair would be damaged too and wouldn't grow as fast. 

• BE PATIENT. Before you know it you will have long healthy and curly locks ^^ (My hair is almost or already at my shoulder O.o It used to take me YEARS for my hair to get to my shoulder after I cut it xD) 

1 month after big chop:                                                    8/9 months after big chop: