Annoyed

November 23, 2012 was one of the most trying days OF MY LIFE. My supposed bff's lashed out of me and just ran away with their tail between their legs without listening to what I had to say. It was honestly the most disrespectful thing a person could do. Especially after 8 or 9+ years of friendship.

However, that is not what pissed me off. What pissed me off was the fact they have been feeling all types of ways about me and couldn't say it to my face. They wait to the moment I explode in anger about something and then all three of them tag team and demonize me. They ignore all the things I've done for them in the past and say what I haven't done for them. They also add in petty little jabs. Like a comment about me being selfish because of a comment I made about me not wanting anyone to say "Thanksgiving" to me. Really? And one even asked me what I do for black people? Really? I help more than just black people. Just because I don't go around bragging about every time I help somebody like some people do doesn't mean I don't help. There are tons of people I've helped in the past including them... especially my supposed BFF who I've done tons of shit for and she knows it. I don't go to her like "I've done more for you than you've done for me" That shit is dead. I would never do that to her because I do stuff for her because I care. I don't count every good and bad thing she has done for me.  What good would that do me?

At this point in time I'm honestly thinking about unfriending all of them and saying "fuck those fake ass bitches." My brain and heart are in emotional turmoil right now. My brain is saying "its no use of having people that aren't for you and people who aren't supportive of what you do in your life." However, my heart is saying "Don't be mad at them. Even though you were trying to get an important cause across you did lash out on them first. Not to the extent they sullied your name. But you made the wrong move first. Give them a chance"

Note my friends are Asian so they know NOTHING about the struggles of blacks in America. They tell me to get over the past and that slavery happened a long time ago. Bitches I'm not mad at white people about slavery. I'm mad that blacks are still mistreated TIL THIS DAY and nothing is being done about it. Sure I might talk about slavery sometimes. But hey its part of my history and I'm not ashamed of what happened to my ancestors. Though what happened to them was terrible and it makes me sad. Am I not allowed to talk about my history and the sadness and anguish it causes me? Who made you the ultimate authority about what I'm allowed to speak about? If you honestly don't want to hear me talk about it. Say something. I'm not a mind reader boo. Tell me how you feel when I bring that shit up. Don't wait for a opportune moment when I'm mad and lash out so you can use it as an excuse to tear me down.

Fuck that.. that's some coward as shit.

And I do need NEW friends. Am I not allowed to have new friends that I can converse with about serious issues that you guys don't seem to care about? Ya'll funny as shit. Did I say when I got these new friends I would disown you? NO. So don't come at me assuming shit.

-SIGH OF RELIEF-

Glad I got that off my chest.. no use internalizing anger... its a slow poison. Excuse me for my rant readers.