Times Flies!!!

It's been 6 months since moving to Japan!!! And it has already been quite the adventure.

Emotionally, Mentally, and Physically.

But since I'm dedicating this blog to health and weight loss. Here goes!!

When I last check in September I was 270 pounds! But I am now 245!! (or 244.5 if I'm being specific lol)

Like after all this time I finally got the courage to step on the scale and to my surprise I've lost 25 pounds :D I've literally only changed my diet and I've had this amazing change. The diet change wasn't even on purpose lol. Japan just typically has more chicken and fish options. I'm not even going lie though I do have a burger and other things I shouldn't have here and there but I've still managed to lose this much weight... it's crazy.

What is really interesting though is that my period has become normalized since coming here. I think I've mentioned it before but I was diagnosed with PCOS at around age 17. Which means I have cysts on my ovaries and my periods are irregular. In my case they were super irregular. I would only have them 2-3 times a year. But now after moving to Japan I've been having them every month consistently.

Another new development is I can drink milk here!! Like I was diagnosed with lactose intolerance in America but it was pretty the only things I couldn't have were milk and some cheeses. But holy shit I can drink whole milk here... I guess it's something different with how the milk is processed or something but it's amazing :D I drink milk every day with my school lunch :D

I have a lot more to say but I'll add it later... time to get ready for school!!!

JAPAN

We meet again my old friend! This time officially for a year as of now!!! I'm so happy to be back. Japan is such a wonderful country. I love it here!!! I've been eating a lot healthier since I came here as well as improving my mental and emotional health.

I'm pretty sure I've already lost some weight and I haven't even been working out. Just switching up my diet and changing some lazy habits I had. Yo I deadass live like 5 min if not 2 mins walking away from my grocery store as well as trash disposal area. Tell me why my fatass used to drive to them lol.

Now I actually just walk. It's not much walking but it's not driving either lol. I decided to take my life back and to chose healthier and more active options.

I think I'll start working out again soon!! I think I'll just by weights and work out at home. Gyms tend to be pricey here. Not about that life since I'm already living the bad and bougie life in my lovely apartment and balling out of anime stuff lol. Ya'll need to stop me from going to the arcade and animate... it's a problem lol.

Damage

So I started seeing a personal trainer this week... he's going to help me get back into shape! I've been frightened to see how much I have gained pounds wise and circumference wise. So I decided to face my fears head on again. It didn't hurt as much as I thought. Acknowledging something negative about yourself and making steps towards changing them can affect your whole perspective in a positive way. Sooo here it goes...
Current Weight and Measurements
2017
WEIGHT: 270lbs
HEIGHT :  5'11
BUST:132 cm/ 52IN (+4.5in)
WAIST: 106.7cm/ 42 IN (+2in)
HIPS:  125.7cm/ 49.5IN  (+1in)

2014
WEIGHT: 245lbs
HEIGHT :  5'11
BUST:120.5 cm/ 47.5IN
WAIST: 101.5cm/ 40IN
HIPS:  122cm/ 48.5IN


This definitely shows I gained more weight on my upper body more. I kinda wanna rub it in one of my kohai's faces lol. Because we had a discussion about gaining weight earlier this year and I was telling him that you do not get to decide where you gain and lose weight and that it's based on genetics. In my family people are either top heavy or bottom heavy.... I ended on the top heavy spectrum. So when I gain weight it goes to my boobs mostly and then my waist and then my hips.

Welp time for the gym again!! Gotta get back down to my former glory of 2009-2011/12ish lol

I'm getting old LOL

OMG!! All that twerking at the beach got a sista back jacked up xDD Holy shit.. it still hasn't stopped hurting... maybe I should go see a chiropractor if the pain hasn't gone away in a week or two. However, I don't regret the beach trip. It was hella fun. I'm glad that everyone came.

It was my second time to Rehoboth Beach. I had fun playing the little boardwalk games and playing in the ocean. Which is a HUGE deal. Since I've had a fear of the beach for a while. When I was a child I used to always go to the beach with my family during summer break. However, one year a child was attacked by a shark a week after I left and I've been afraid ever since. Because I always thought to myself that it could have been me. Especially since I've had been playing in the ocean, sometimes by myself and one time I got knocked out by a wave and ended up passed out on the beach.

The JAWS movies didn't not help with my fear either. Especially not the fact that I went to Universal Studios and got on the JAWS ride and almost pissed myself. I don't know what I was thinking or expecting smh.

Anyways I enjoyed the beach and actually got in the water. I'm conquering all sorts of fears this year. I held a tarantula for the first time too. And I'm hella scared of spiders xDD Who am I? LOL

So going to the gym is kind of fun

I started doing a little cardio on my own about 2 or 3 weeks ago but now I wanted to try something different. I already had leftover personal trainer days for when I paid for them 1-2 years ago in the midst of the worst depression I've ever experienced. I go to LA Fitness and would not recommend a sane middle class/poor person to purchase. Sessions are like $55 dollars... and the session is only 25 min long.... can I say rip off?? But in the midst of my crazy depression I never thought about it and just spent the money...smh.

Oh well! Since I can't get my money back mind as well use them. So I have 12 remaining sessions left. I actually got a cool personal trainer this time. (He fine too *swoons*) So I'm going to learn all I can about weight lifting in the time I have left. He has some massive arms... and tattoos *faints* ...  had me sweating...

There is just something about a tatted man with some nice ass arms....JEEZAS~~~ He was like "So what do you want to focus on." I was like .."toning and weight lifting" and he was like "Those are my specialties" and I was like "I bet they are... look at those large arms... my goodness... bless" lol I said it out loud too and he chuckled xDDD

I think it's good to have some level of attraction to your personal trainer. Makes you want to work harder to not look like a little bitch xDD (Or maybe that's just me) He sure kicked my ass though but my face so deadpan he didn't realize it. He was like "I think we need to up the weights" T^T RIP!!! So next time I will really die... definitely carrying the asthma inhaler xDD

I think I'm going to do an update of my measurements because they are definitely off now.... fuck depression, chronic pain, and overeating. I gained a hell of a lot of weight...even more than before but I will get back to my prime!! Probably even better!!! No I will be better!!! Like I always say put your desires out into the universe and they will be granted ^^

3 YEARS... Thanks for reminding me about this blog Matt LOL

Holy shit... it's really been three years since I posted.... and a lot has happened since then. Been cheated on. I've fallen in and out of love, traveled to Japan, Korea, and Taiwan!! Made new friends, lost new and old friends, gained weight, lost weight, gained some more weight. Found out more about my sexuality and gender. Started talking to my family again...stopped talking to my family again. Started talking to my sisters and building a healthy relationship with them. I also recently started talking to one of my brothers. So that's interesting. I don't know how long it will last but hopefully things keep getting better ^^

Oh yeah...

I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!!!!! And I got a JOB!!! I won't start till July but I'm excited!!!

It's been a hell of a rough journey but I'm here! I didn't kill myself!!

I'm lowkey not joking about that.

It was all thanks to the new friends I've made. They've become my family... something I've never really had. I will forever be grateful!

I thought after my fall out with my friends of 12+ years and my biological family that I would never be able to trust another human being again. However, that has changed and I've made tons of great friends. They are the best. They keep me motivated and keep me believing that maybe life is worth living and that things are not all bad. We laugh and joke a lot. It's wonderful. I had forgotten what it felt like to laugh and be happy.

***TMI TIME (Feel free to skip this section)
Dealing with constant anxiety and depression for the last 3+ years was not fun. I know I joke a lot about my constipation with my friends but it's pretty bad. I've been dealing with anal fissures, internal and external hemorrhoids, blood in my stool, stomach pain, pelvic pain, super abnormal periods etc. I thought I was dying... maybe I am dying but who knows. All I know is that it is scary and I just try to not think about it. I just thank the universe every day I don't have chronic pain. I've started taking my medication again to make me have periods. It's working okay? Took me 4 months of taking it to finally have a period. But it's progress.

****TMI OVER*****

I've cut my hair really short too. At first it was because my hair was so fucked up after I had been pulling from stress, anxiety, depression but now I've grown to like my hair really short. It fits pretty well with my gender identity. Yep I've come out as nonbinary (NB). Which I recently discover was as Transgender identity. Boy has my ignorance about LGBT labels gotten me into trouble LOL. I'll talk about that in another post. Welp I guess this is enough deets for now. CYA!!! I should be asleep... it's 3:45am.... BYE..

Soo... about that last post xD

This semester has been ROUGH!! Omg... I have been so exhausted! But the end is near :D Finals start next week and then my beautiful summer awaits me :)

But back to the topic of this post.. so my diet never started... I ended up drowning myself in school work and got stressed out and depressed again... so never went to the gym...

But I did eventually destress and lost 5lbs :P Better than gaining weight right? lol

But yeah once this semester ends I will be on my grind again. My goal is to exercise more and eat healthier... I not really concerned with weight lost but if it happens it happens. I just want to be more active and live a happier and more fulfilling life.

Things have been kind of depressing for me lately because I still do not know exactly what I want to do. I know the things I like to do but I am constantly distracted and haven't found a way to combine the things I love together... maybe I'll figure it out someday... but for now I'm just going to work on being happy.

I don't think I have been truly happy for a long time... sometimes I wonder if I was ever really happy. It's weird I am always happy when my friends are doing well and wonderful things are going in the world.. but I've never been happy for myself... and if I have I haven't been for awhile.

I need a change of pace... guess it's time for a road trip this summer :3


ALSO

Since my current major is Japanese I will be making Japanese/English  post in the future ^^ I want to get used to using Japanese all the time :P